


Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel's Asexuality Fics [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Aromantic, Asexuality, Gen, Gender, Humour, Maria & Phil are bros, Maria Hill POV, aro ace Maria Hill, aromantic ace, pre-avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Darcy was convinced it was going to become part of SHIELD’s oral history forever, like that time everyone on this one op was doused with sex pollen and the only one who didn’t screw someone senseless was then not-yet-deputy director Agent Hill, and Robards said it was because she was a frigid lesbian and Hill told him that the term was asexual and if he was going to be a bigoted asshole about it he could at least get her orientation right. And then Coulson made him go through the hardcore diversity and sexual harassment training as punishment, because everyone knew Hill and Coulson were bros."</i><br/> </p><p>Maria Hill is honestly pretty happy with her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Let Him Go (just give him a chance to grow)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/641017) by [TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel). 



> Inspired by something in one of my other fics, although this fic isn't actually set in the same universe as that one.

**Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer**

Maria Hill is used to overhearing certain slurs used against her. For a woman like her – cool, professional, moving quickly up the ranks – in an organisation like SHIELD, it’s inevitable, no matter how they try to stamp it out.

People aren’t usually audacious enough to say them to her face, though. Or stupid enough, for that matter. Does Robards think he’s doing himself any kind of favour by calling his superior officer a ‘frigid lesibian?’ So what if she was the only one seemingly unaffected by the ‘sex pollen’ incident?

“The term you’re looking for is _asexual_ ,” Maria says without missing a beat, “if you’re going to be a bigoted asshole about it you can at least get my orientation _right_.”

She nods at Coulson, who’s standing behind Robards like he teleported there. No one does stealth like Coulson. So far none of the junior agents have noticed him.

“I’ll leave this one to you, Coulson.”

“Of course,” Coulson responds calmly, and the junior agents all startle. Robards shoots a foot in the air out of sheer surprise, and Coulson gives him the special smile reserved for people about to meet with a terrible fate.

Maria walks off, satisfied that Coulson is about to make an example of Robards.

“They get stupider every year,” Coulson says later. Maria is drinking beer. Coulson has a shot glass full of scotch.

“I blame morning cartoons,” Maria tells him. Coulson glares at the mockery.

“Junior agents are always stupid, Phil. You’re just getting older and wiser. Well, ‘maybe’ on the wiser part.”

One of the rumours going around SHIELD at any given time is that Maria and Coulson are having a torrid affair. Maria has never had a torrid affair in her life. She and Coulson are just buddies, that’s all.

“You’re a horrible person.” Coulson pretends to scowl. “Remind me again why we do this?”

“No one else is sane,” Maria reminds him.

“That’s true.” They ponder this inalienable truth for a while.

“To Nick Fury, and his improbable flying pirate ship,” Maria says finally, and Coulson snorts halfway through a swallow and gets scotch up his nose.

* * *

When Maria was a little girl, and all the other little girls were playing house and pretending to look after the ‘babies,’ Maria was busy dropping out of trees being a ninja. There’s a certain irony in that, considering her career choices.

Maria might be a grown adult now, but she still has exactly as much interest in pairing up and settling down. Some women might want to find a man and have kids, Maria doesn’t hold that against them, but Maria herself is happy with her life of combat and adventure, and anything else is superfluous.

People try to ask her out anyway, despite – sometimes because of – her ice-queen reputation. This makes about as much sense to Maria as it did when she was a teenage girl on the hockey team who never thought twice about boys except as pals, but she tries to be polite and straightforward in her refusals.

Even though Maria never shows an iota of interest in anyone, people keep trying. Something about Maria’s looks and no-nonsense manner seems to particularly attract lesbian and polysexual women.

Maria sighs when Agent Moore asks her out, and makes it clear she’s not interested in dating the other woman. Or anyone else. Moore flushes. 

Maria tries, but she’s never been particularly graceful about rejection.

“I’m sorry. I did hear that, but I thought – I thought, maybe you make exceptions?”

Maria smiles wryly, just this edge of sardonic.

“I’m afraid not. The ‘frigid bitch’ label does have some truth behind it,” she replies, and Moore chokes.

“You…”

“Know about that?” Maria actually rolls her eyes. “It’s like no one understands that this entire helicarrier is under constant surveillance.”

“Oh.” Moore looks like she wishes the floor would swallow her whole, so Maria grants her a small, slight smile.

“No offense,” Maria adds.

“None taken.” Moore waves her off, trying not to look too mortified. “I shouldn’t have made assumptions.”

“Thanks for not listening to gossip,” Maria tells her, her smile a little warmer this time. Moore smiles back, genuinely in spite of her lingering embarrassment, and Maria decides that things between them are going to be fine.

She wishes it was always this easy.

* * *

Maria doesn’t see why any of it matters – that she’s a woman and that she doesn’t want to date and that she’s happier fighting underhanded, covert battles than anything she’s ‘supposed’ to be doing. Maria fits into this sort of nothing space where she isn’t a proper woman and she doesn’t have a proper sexuality by most people’s standards, and she never has. It bothered her when she was younger, the way she didn’t fit into any of the right categories the way she should have, but never enough to stop her from being herself. Maria never pretends to be anything other than what she is, and whatever else her life might lack because of it, at least that lack is never her integrity of self.

* * *

When Maria makes Deputy Director, Coulson and Sitwell, those assholes, buy her a small wedding cake with _‘Maria & S.H.I.E.L.D._’ stencilled beautifully across the top.

Maria glares at the cake where it’s sitting innocently on her desk, and then she laughs.

“Cake, sir?” she offers Fury later, during her shift on the bridge.

“Is this a wedding cake?” Fury frowns down at the slice of cake, but takes it. It’s a little-known fact that Fury never refuses an offering of cake. It’s generally considered his only weakness.

“Yes, sir. Agents Coulson and Sitwell kindly bought me a cake to celebrate my marriage to my job, sir,” Maria says matter-of-factly, and hears snorts and stifled snickers all around the room.

“Hmm. Thank you, Deputy Director,” Fury says, his eye perilously close to twinkling. “I’ll have to inform Agent Coulson that his choice of cake is delicious when he delivers his report.”

He does. Maria keeps a straight face the entire time.

* * *

Honestly? Maria’s pretty happy with her life.

**Author's Note:**

> There's this bit in my fic 'Don't Let Him Go (just give him a chance to grow)' that goes like this:
> 
> _Darcy was convinced it was going to become part of SHIELD’s oral history forever, like the can-opener story or the time Fury punched the Vice-President in the face or that time everyone on this one op was doused with sex pollen and the only one who didn’t screw someone senseless was then not-yet-deputy director Agent Hill, and Robards said it was because she was a frigid lesbian and Hill told him that the term was asexual and if he was going to be a bigoted asshole about it he could at least get her orientation right. And then Coulson made him go through the hardcore diversity and sexual harassment training as punishment, because everyone knew Hill and Coulson were bros._
> 
> And then there was a meta thread over at asexual_fandom where someone mentioned how few female-centric asexual fics there were, and I decided that I would write a story about aro ace Maria Hill based on the Robards story.
> 
> Title from a Roxette song.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do](https://archiveofourown.org/works/925549) by [TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel)




End file.
